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Pantsless in Portland

The creator of Erotisphere writes about the website,
the Portland scene, and life without pants.

by AnDroid

A Memorial Day's Night at the Safari Showclub

Written by AnDroid   
Thursday, 03 June 2010 16:20

The last time I went to the Safari Showclub with Devo, a little stripper who calls herself "Bridget the Midget" was the main attraction. We were greeted at the door by the owner, who I think was fairly new at the time. When we went up to order drinks there were two dancers sitting at the bar. They told us they'd driven down from Seattle for the weekend to make some extra money in Portland, only to find that “this fucking midget” was drawing all of the attention, and none of the other dancers were getting much in the way of tips. I sympathized with them, although I had to confess we were mainly just there for the midget.

A thick crowd of people swarmed around the main stage when Bridget pulled her top off. I couldn't even get close enough to throw money at her. I had to stand on my tip-toes at the top of the stairs in order to catch a glimpse of her tiny body gyrating to the music. It was a rare spectacle and probably one of the more bizarre things I've witnessed in a strip club.

We returned to the Safari last Monday to meet up with my brother, Marko. It seems to me that this club has gotten a bad rap online over the past few years. The space is surprisingly clean, classy, and comfortable. They didn't go overboard with tacky decorations like other themed bars. Instead they spent their decoration budget on comfortable chairs and expensive fish tanks filled with piranhas. In my opinion, it works.

I try not to talk too much about the “quality” of women who dance at various clubs, not only because it's disrespectful to the performers, but also because different people are attracted to different types, and the dancers at every club tend to vary widely depending on which independent contractor decides to show up for her shift on any given day. That said, I don't think it's inappropriate to mention that the women who were performing at the Safari last Monday night (a dreadful shift, I'm sure) were all shockingly beautiful.

The crowd was sparse, which was expected for late night Memorial Day. The DJ had to yell at a table of meat heads because they weren't tipping. I don't know what the usual crowd is like here, but again, that's always going to be an uncontrollable variable. Anyone who's familiar with the general bar scene knows that the clientele and atmosphere of many establishments will be completely different depending on the day and the time. Personally, I most enjoy going to strip clubs early in the day when the dancers are still nursing hangovers and chain smoking. On the other hand, the more “happening” a club is, the more tippers there are, and the more active the dancers and bartenders will be.

A few things have changed in the past couple years since the new management took over the Safari. There's no longer a cover charge to get in, which is great. That's usually a deal breaker for the broke-ass motherfuckers I hang out with. They've got good deals on food. Also, customers are no longer allowed to feed the piranhas. According to the cute, friendly bartender who was on shift, the poor bastards were getting overfed. I've always wondered about that.

We left the Safari feeling good and stumbled up to Glimmers for a night cap. One of the nice things about the Safari is that it's close to other strip clubs. Lucky Devil or Rose City Strip would make for natural follow-ups, but I was in the mood for the darker, more laid-back atmosphere at Glimmers.

After closing the place down, we stood in the rain and sparked up a bowl in the middle of an empty side-street. I had to agree wholeheartedly with Devo: This was the best Memorial Day ever.
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