|Written by AnDroid|
|Thursday, 22 October 2009 16:20|
I love older women, particularly cougars, and this week I got to observe them in one of their natural habitats. On Sunday, Kimbot and I attended the Puppetry of the Penis show at the Aladdin Theater, along with the biggest horde of MILFs and rabid cougars I've ever seen. Hussied-up middle-aged women packed the seats of the venue en masse, forming a mob of push-up-bra-cleavage, big hair, and meaty calves, and all to see two young men play with their average-sized penises. I was reminded of the final scene from Full Monty, and it got me thinking: Could Portland support a full-time male strip club for women?With so many strip clubs in Portland, it would make sense to have at least one that's designed to appeal specifically to women. Half the population is being neglected, and from what I saw Sunday night, these ladies are starving for entertainment of the penis variety.
Seasoned Seattle comedian Cathy Sorbo warmed up the crowd with jokes about breastfeeding, menopause, and pinning her massive pubic bush back with a banana clip – she definitely knew her crowd. Sorbo was a lovable ball of frantic energy, and she even threw in some dick jokes for good measure. She ended by singing (surprisingly well) a hilarious song about a stripper mom. Actually, I'd love to have a copy of that song if anyone knows where I could find one. I found out later from her website that Sorbo's been in an a-cappella group since college.
Now it was time for the main event. Although Puppetry of the Penis was started by two Australian guys, there are now a number of different “puppeteers” doing the show around the world. Christopher J Cannon and Rich Binning are hosting the U.S. circuit. Cannon and Binning took the stage wrapped in large capes with sneakered feet poking out. They're both young, slender 20-somethings. Cannon has a gaunt, elfish look, while Binning is taller and a bit of a hunk. After a short introduction they tossed their capes aside, and the crowd went wild.
Standing naked in front of an audience is a thing of nightmares. I imagine it's about as comfortable as getting pierced in the back with giant hooks and suspended from chains. On top of that, at this show there's a camera focused in on their genitals, projecting a live feed onto a big screen behind them. But Cannon and Binning seemed totally relaxed, embracing their liberation. I instantly began to admire and adore them. For much of the show they were simply naked in front of the microphones doing essentially a comedy routine or a running comedic banter, playing off of each other like any good comedy team. Cannon is actually from Vancouver, Washington, so he was able to throw in some jokes of local relevance, and his mom was even in the audience.
Then, of course, there were the dick tricks. Some were hilarious, some were gross, and some were simply amazing. A few of them used simple props – at one point Binning said, “Well that is just Chris' dick sticking through a beer coaster.” The show seemed to epitomize the way women view men's bodies: simultaneously sexy and absurd. Perhaps that's why male strippers have such a hard time appealing to women. They need to have a sense of humor about how ridiculous they look.
There's definitely a market here that could be capitalized on – tickets for Puppetry of the Penis aren't cheap, and this is an audience that's more than willing to drop a few extra bucks on a glass of wine rather than drink beer. Portland seems to be ready for the Full Monty, it's just a matter of an entrepreneur willing to take the risk. I'm picturing a male strip club with a weekly Puppetry of the Penis night.
At the end of the show, Cannon and Binning announced that they would be in the bar at the Lamp next door afterwards if anyone wanted to say hi, and they exited the stage, leaving behind a crowd of buzzed, flustered, turned-on women. As I stood waiting for Kimbot outside the bathrooms I pondered what kind of scene was brewing in the bar. A tall 40-something woman in knee-high boots and a short skirt came out of the bathroom, scoped me out from head to toe, and sauntered off, humming to herself, probably heading to the Lamp to get a piece of Cannon's sweet ass. That lucky bastard.