When my friend Vera Mysteria does something, she does it big. I don't know why I was surprised when I went to her “old folks” themed birthday party a few weeks ago and she rolled into the bar in a wheelchair with curlers in her hair and a hideous muumuu draped over big floppy fake tits. If I'd had the good sense to realize she was gonna go all the way the geriatric theme I would have at least worn a wig like some of her other guests.
It was Bingo night at the Radio Room, and Vera's party turned the whole thing into a very surreal event. Maybe it was the weed I'd smoked on the way there, but at one point I was looking at Vera's fiance, who was hunched over a walker with a long gray beard dangling from his face, and I seriously thought I was having a bizarre dream. I couldn't stop giggling like I was on ecstasy. I can't even describe how ridiculous the whole thing was.
It was here that Vera, leaning toward me from her wheelchair, her face painted with a thick layer of garish makeup, told me she had an upcoming sponsorship opportunity I might be interested in. A while back when we'd had the time and money we went on a few strip club adventures together, and during that time we had discussed various projects we were working on or thinking about doing. She'd told me about a rock-and-roll burlesque event she'd been conceptualizing. Now her concept was finally coming to fruition, and she was looking for sponsors. I jumped on the opportunity.
Later we were at Union Jacks and Vera was on the main stage, still in her muumuu, bent over a chair and surrounded by strippers. One of the girls got a leather belt from a guy at the rail, and each of the dozen-or-so strippers took a turn smacking Vera's ass with it. As I sat there, still blown away by the weirdness of it all, I couldn't help but think this was exactly the kind of carnivalesque atmosphere that a successful burlesque event would need, and it seemed to follow Vera everywhere she went.
Here is the official press release for Sign of the Beast Burlesque, which everyone should go to!
Come, and bear witness to the unholy union of two of Satan's favorite forms of entertainment -- heavy-metal music and burlesque!
Nothing could please our Dark Lord more than seeing His followers flock to the Mt. Tabor Theater, returning its Concert Hall to its roots as a genuine burlesque stage, to sin away a Monday night/Tuesday morning enjoying the finer things PDX has to offer -- boobs, beer and metal.
Don't be a candyass and stay home because it's a school night; our doors open at 9PM with the Girlie Show starting around 10PM. After the burlesque portion of the show wraps up, shortly after the Witching Hour, patrons will be pounded with live music -- the dark psychedelia of Quag Keep and the riff-heavy roar of Deth Proof!
Hosted by the infamous Nik Sin and Vera Mysteria (a.k.a. Union Jack's DJ Krista), our main show will feature more than a dozen ladies who will dance for your amazement and titillation in styles that range from traditional and neo-burlesque to hypnotic aerial performances to Emergency Room-defying fire play to exotic belly dancing and even some erotic hula-hooping. Longtime patrons of our local performance arts will undoubtedly fondly recall thrilling memories of many of our featured performers, like Portland's own Itty Bitty Bang Bang, Delilah Sinn and Savvy Danger of the Rose City Sirens, Hai Fleisch, Hezzy Tayte, Baby Le'Strange and Lark, the lady of fire.
Tickets are $5 ahead of time at all Tickets West locations [www.ticketswest.com] or at the door. To pamper the more refined clientele, we're offering a limited number of $25 VIP tickets for the separate raised seating area, complete with private cocktail service, a bottle of champagne, a limited-edition hand-silk-screened poster of the event and more. VIPs must be reserved ahead of time; contact
for reservations and details.
The wickedest tunes a Monday night in the Hawthorne District can contain!
The most dangerous curves experienced on or above the Mt. Tabor's stage since the last time your grandmother claimed she was just working her way through college to her friends!
The finest drink specials a full bar can offer!
Two hours of tits and two bands -- this will be the best five bucks you ever spent, and possibly the only chance you'll ever have in your life to start a mosh pit mere moments after seeing swingin' pasties!
Sign of the Beast Burleque will be January 24th from 9pm-2am at Mount Tabor Theater, 4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd., Portland OR 97215. Tickets are $5 general seating, $25 VIP section, available at Tickets West. Email
to reserve a VIP table.