|Written by AnDroid|
|Thursday, 14 January 2010 16:20|
Like many young pervs, when I was a little boy I fantasized about having a sex bot to fool around with. I don't know where the idea originated. Maybe I came up with it because I didn't really know what female genitals looked like, so I needed something abstract to focus on, or maybe it's just an idea that most nerdy, sexually deviant boys develop naturally on their own. All I can say for sure is that those fantasies kept me going for a good couple of years, at least until I found my dad's porn stash and started fantasizing about real girls. Even though I'm into meatbags now, my interest in androids in general has remained, as evidenced by my obsession with Battlestar Galactica and Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation (who Lieutenant Yar banged the crap out of in the second episode, by the way). I'm even writing a novel that features an android character. So when I started seeing tweets the other day about Roxxxy, “the world's first sex robot,” being unveiled at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Vegas, my heart jumped. Thoughts of Weird Science and Gigolo Joe popped into my head. It's 2010, bitches! Show me the motherfuckin' artificial intelligence! Wooooooo!!!
I was excited for about five seconds, until I clicked on a link to an article and saw a picture of two men lifting a horse-faced, slack-jawed mannequin into a chair. First of all, there's really no excuse for the thing being so freakishly ugly considering RealDoll has been making attractive, realistic looking life-sized sex dolls since 1996. Second of all, the thing doesn't even move. How can it even be called a robot? When you squeeze its hand it senses it and gives you a canned response. When I was a kid I had a teddy bear that would play a song when you squeezed its paw. Would you call that a robot? There are fucking greeting cards that use that technology.
"Not even I would hit that."
True Companion is the Jersey-based company that created Roxxxy. Their website offers very little information about the product, except that it's “able to talk, listen, carry on a conversation, feel your touch and be your true friend.” Not unlike a Tickle Me Elmo. They also mention an odd story about a friend who died in the 9/11 terrorist attacks as somehow being the inspiration for Roxxxy. Personally, I can't think of a better way to honor a dead friend than to create a sex doll with its mouth permanently affixed in a silent scream, ready for socially awkward men to stuff their cocks into it.
There aren't any photos or video demonstrations of Roxxxy on the True Companion website. In fact, you can't even order the thing online. Instead you have to provide them with your contact information and wait for a response. I provided them with mine earlier today and have yet to receive an email or phone call. Althought the thing has supposedly been finished for 11 months, it seems to me like they're a bit unprepared. I'll certainly be monitoring their progress over the next few months.
There are a few crappy videos online of the creator, Douglas Hines, attempting to show off Roxxxy at the Adult Entertainment Expo, but they really don't show much in the way of artificial intelligence. I know there are going to be some lonely guys out there who are excited about this thing, but for the vast majority of us there's only one word to describe Roxxxy: FAIL.